Tag Archives: God

The happiest day of my life.

I just finished reading a two-part series that went through 4 generations of women. It started with the great-grandma and ended with her great-granddaughter.  The great-grandma immigrated to the states and the rest of the story takes place there.  Needless to say the story included at least three wars: WW2, Vietnam and Operation Iraqi Freedom (Titus has a medal for serving in Operation Iraqi Freedom).   If I had known that 3 of the 4 husbands would have gone to war I’m not sure I would have read it.  Even now so many years later war stories and movies still bring it all back.  July 4th will mark 3 years and 7 months since the day that Titus flew into Oahu, completely safe and sound.

It’s kind of a funny story.  I had bought a plane ticket for Nov 5th but a few weeks before Titus’ return date changed to Nov 4th.  I will be forever grateful to the man from the airlines that talked me into spending the $150 to change my ticket a measly 24 hours.  “Just do it. It’s worth it.  You need to be there.” And he was right.  Two of Titus’ friends’ wives picked me up from the airport, took me out to eat (Cheeseburger in Paradise) and let me stay the night with them.  I’ll admit I might not have told the whole truth when I talked to Titus, but is it a lie if you tell the truth in the end? 😉  Titus’ friends on the plane with him told him they had a surprise waiting for him when they landed.  He thought it was a gallon of milk.  He’s such a country, dairy farmer boy. 😉

I didn’t sleep well that night.  It had been 10 months since I had seen him, about six of those he had been in Afghan.  Did we still love each other?  Did we still have things in common? Were we the same people? So much had happened in those few months.  I had moved back to the states after living in Ecuador for 8 months.  My dad almost died.  Titus had been in a IED blast that totaled the truck he was driving. He lost a friend, Garcia, the same week Dad got sick.  He was in a fire fight. He was drained, emotionally and physically.

Nov 4th was hot.  I remember being so warm in the capris and poke a dot shirt I was wearing.  We drove to the military hanger.  It was everything you’d see in a movie: a band was playing, there were flags every where, some people had made big banners that said things like, “Welcome home Daddy”.

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We all watched  the sky, waiting for the plane.

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A wrong one came first, which made us all mad that they would get our hopes up like that.  Someone in the crowd told us that the men are let off the plane alphabetically by last name.  I had to wait for P. Sigh.  When the plane came there was a line of higher-ups that gave them leis and welcomed them home, then they were left to find their loved ones in the crowd of people waiting.

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Titus was one of the first guys off, the whole alphabetically thing was not true. We looked at this picture and we both think the guy at the very very top might be Titus. 😀

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I was in the back and my plan was to wait until he saw me.  He wasn’t after all expecting to see me.  He thought he was going to pick me up later that day at the Honolulu airport.  But I was so happy to see him I ran up to him, put a lei around his neck and hugged him like there was no tomorrow. 😀  He had his gun in one hand and his computer case in the other, and he didn’t hug me back. It was like hugging a pine board. After a second he said, “Um, okay?”.  Ha ha ha, he didn’t know who it was hugging him.  He told me later that he thought I was one of his friend’s wives or something.  So I stepped back so he could get a good look at me.  Once the shock wore off he said, “You aren’t supposed to be here yet.” Now I had kinda thought it would take him awhile to process everything, so I wasn’t mad that he wasn’t more excited to see me.  Men need to think things through for a while sometimes.  We stood at the back and watched other people greeting each other. I distinctly remember this big guy with two huge duffel bags walking up to his girl, throwing the bags on the ground, and grabbing her and kissing her like there was no tomorrow. 🙂  It is a good memory, but at the time slightly awkward since Titus and I weren’t kissing each other yet (we waited until our wedding day).  Then they all had to leave on a bus to go turn in their guns, more waiting for us.  When they came back Titus was mentally ready to see me.  And gave me a big happy  hug.  It was the happiest day of my life.  Some women say it’s their wedding day, the day their first baby is born, maybe it’s your 16th birthday and your dad bought you a car, or the day you graduated from college.  But for me it is Nov 4th about 9:45 a.m.  The day God brought Titus safely home.  Thank you Jesus.

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A quick note, I did not take any of these pictures.  My camera was broken and I didn’t have another one.  All the credit goes to Dog Barney Productions.  Thank you for being there and taking these pictures!  It’s the only picture I have of that week in Hawaii after Titus’ homecoming.

Reading books or watching movies that have war things in them is good for me in a way.  Even though I cry through them all (I almost cried writing this post!) it reminds me of how close I came to losing Titus.  It reminds me that I need to treat him like a hero every day, because that is what he is to me.  It reminds me of the things we went through, to have the very happy life we have now.  Just this week he cleaned the very messy house for me, and had flowers delivered just because.

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He is so sweet, and I don’t deserve him.  I love you honey.  Thank you for serving, and thank you for marrying me.

No one wants to hold a crying baby…but mom has no choice!

Being a mom is hard.  My first son taught me that and my second son is continuing to teach me.  This week has been particularly hard.  I’ve been given the opportunity to be even more selfless then normal. 

We moved into a new house last week.  It’s a big beautiful house and I’m so happy and excited to live there.  It was a stressful exhausting week though.  On Sunday night I ate some left over soup that apparently wasn’t good.  I was sick for the next 24 hours.  I am so glad the rest of my family didn’t eat it.  To make things worse, the last few weeks breastfeeding has become more and more painful. I didn’t think much of it, but it got so bad that last Sunday I told both my mom and Titus that I was ready to quit.  I’m terribly cracked and sore on one side and I would hold Gideon crying on my lap trying to get enough gumption to latch him on.  I would have to count to three and the yell while he nursed.  I went to see a lactation consultant and she said she thinks I have Thrush.  The thing I read the most about Thrush is how terribly hard it is to get rid of.  lovely.  I can’t think of a time in my life where I’ve been so selfless.  I don’t want you to think I’m a saint, because I’m  not.  I dread feeding my son.  I want to give up so much, but I can’t.  I know that even though I’m in terrible pain it’s still the best thing for him.  I’ve started some medicine and it seems to be helping a little bit.  I’m in less pain, but still not comfortable.  I also gave up dairy products two weeks ago in hopes that it will help my son not cry so much, poop more often, and have less gas. I was at a wedding today and couldn’t eat most of the stuff there.  Then I came home and made my husband a pizza. sigh.  I want a piece of pizza so bad. But so far the dairy-free diet hasn’t helped and I’m so discouraged.  I’m wondering if I should give up wheat.  And I’m so depressed about the thought.  I really really really don’t want to do that.  Not even for two weeks just to see if it helps.  But the thought is still back in my head, probing, wondering, “what if it would help?”  Is it worth it?  So we have the painful nursing, we have the diet restrictions and to top it off, I am so behind on sleep.  Gideon is going to bed so late.  James woke up probably every hour last night.  Titus doesn’t want him to sleep in our bed anymore so every time he cries I have to go to his room and put him back to sleep.  I didn’t get to sleep in my own bed until 2:30 last night.  I think I slept more in his bed then my own.  Then Gideon decided to get up at 5:30 for the day.  I sat up in bed and just cried.  Sleep deprivation is so hard to deal with.  It should be a torture tactic.  The other day I had the great idea of taking a really fast shower after Gideon goes to bed.  Sure it might be midnight or later, but at least I can be clean.  Both times I’ve tried it James has woken up and needed me.  I seriously can’t even take a shower.  I didn’t mean to write such a ‘poor me’ blog tonight.  I guess maybe I just needed to vent to myself.  I don’t like to complain to Titus, he needs me to be strong.  I don’t feel strong.  And that’s why I tell myself that God’s mercies are new every morning.  Call out to God and He will hear you.  I don’t spend as much time in prayer as I should, and maybe that’s why I’ve been so down lately.  More then anything I need God to be lifting me up, and helping me through my days.  Only He is going to give me the selfless, happy attitude that I need in order to take the best care of my amazing boys, and wonderful husband.  It is good for me to sing songs to my toddler that remind me of God’s goodness.  We all need that reminder from time to time. 

God is good

James is doing remarkably well with having a brother.  I really struggled when I found out I was pregnant last summer.  James was such a hard baby I wasn’t ready for another one.  Plus I really felt like James still needed my undivided attention and that he would totally freak out when the baby was born.  So, I worried and fretted for 9 months.  I had prayed that I wouldn’t get pregnant for a few more months, but God didn’t answer that prayer.  I questioned God, “Why, would you do this?  Why is it a good idea for us to have another baby so fast?”  I would ask Titus, “Why does God think this is a good idea?”  I did pray a lot that James would be fine when the baby was born, but I didn’t really think he would be.  I had feelings that we were ruining his life, and would never get over it.  I know that sounds drastic but you have to remember this child has been the center of my world for the last year and half.  My life has been totally turned upside down because of him.  And God wanted to give us another one. But you know what?  James loves Gideon.  Has he had his moments of not liking him?  Sure!  Has he had melt downs because I’m holding the baby and can’t help him? Sure!  But over all he has adjusted just fine.  In fact I think James is doing better then he ever has before.  He’s playing by himself more then he did just a month ago.  He’s never played by himself for very long, but now I sit on the couch and watch him play.  Maybe it’s an age thing, or maybe just maybe God answered all those prayers sent up in tears, worrying, and stress.  God is so good to answer our prayers even when we are praying with very little faith, or dare I say it, anger.  I’m not saying my life is easy right now, for pete’s sake I’m typing this with one hand at 3 in the morning!  What I am saying is, God is good.  And even though I prayed I wouldn’t get pregnant so fast maybe it really was for the best.  I just hope I can remember this lesson next time I’m worrying about something.

Philippians 4:6-7  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.