She had on a cute bangle bracelet, skinny jeans and the highest heels I’ve ever seen. The cute Filipino girl singing in church that day made me miss my old self. I heard thoughts running through my head like, “I miss dressing cute.” “I miss wearing necklaces.” “Did I even put makeup on today?”
Those thoughts didn’t start that day. Oh, no my friends. A year ago when my life seemed to be in an up roar between being pregnant again, and moving 2 states away from family, a friend was buying a house with her husband that they plan on living in forever, have 2 kids and live happily ever after. It was all planned out. I found myself thinking, “How nice it would be to know how many kids I’d have.” “I wish I had my life all planned out!” “Why do we keep moving?” “I want to live in one house forever.”
As if that wasn’t enough a month ago I was outside sitting around our little fire pit in the backyard. I’m sure Faith was sitting on my lap, I had 5 -6 boys/men running around screaming throwing water balloons at each other. (In case you are wondering, my two boys, my two brothers, my husband, and my cousin.) I glanced over across the fence and there was my neighbor sitting peacefully by herself by her fire pit making a list. I had thoughts like, “That looks so peaceful.” “What would that be like?” “I wonder if we are bothering her?”
When I am so focused on other people’s lives I become discontented. Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t the work of Satan whispering in my ear, “Oh, look at her life. Wouldn’t that be nice!” Satan is the great deceiver, wouldn’t it make sense that he would place discontented lies in my ears? Life is short, and I need to enjoy the life that I have been given, not wish for other people’s lives. It robs me of my own happiness and I miss out on what a blessing my life really is. All those women sound happy and their lives sound great. But what you don’t know is that the girl in church, her husband is a pilot and is gone for days at a time. My friend has serious health issues, and my neighbor has told me that they want to have a baby but are having trouble getting pregnant. Who knows? Maybe she was sitting across the fence wishing my life was hers. 😉
You know what the true really is? When I’m not lusting after other women’s lives I am so happy. Life right now is great; I have never been happier. For me happiness is looking into my children’s big blue eyes that look so much like their father’s, it’s sleeping next to them in bed, it’s reading stories, and looking for bugs. It’s going on walks, and eating ice cream. It’s hearing my children call me Mommy! I have been blessed beyond measure. I have three beautiful and healthy children. I have a wonderful husband that loves me and loves our children. Really, who wouldn’t want this amazing life I’ve been given?