I’m sure most of you know by now that we are planning on moving to Denver Colorado sometime this summer, most likely August. Titus is going to go back to college, to a Bible school he found out there. We have been talking off and on for the last 2 years about doing this. Rocky Mountain Bible school is his school of choice. A super super super small school that no one has heard of.
Titus first brought up the prospect of moving almost 2 years ago to the month (I think it was July). I was terribly un-supportive and kind of unwilling and even slightly un-submissive to the whole idea (and apparently a bunch of those words aren’t really words according to spell check but I’m going to use them anyway!). James cried a lot when he was a baby. Like all the time. My life was consumed with a cranky baby. When James was about 10 months old Titus went to a church conference without me, James was sick so I didn’t go. We had just found out I was pregnant with our second, which I greatly struggled with. James still cried a lot. Still demanded a ton of energy and attention from me. It was overwhelming to think of having another baby. Titus came home from the conference floating on ideas:
We were going to go to a country in Africa as missionaries.
We were going to go to Denver and go to school.
The list goes on.
I felt that he had made a bunch of decisions without me while I stayed home with a sick baby wondering how I was going to take care of two of them. I felt my reasons for not moving were good ones:
Titus’ dream was to be a dairy farmer, and I didn’t think he should give that up so soon. We
had just moved back to MN 7 months before.
I thought he should spend more time with his dad after getting out of the
military. It’s good therapy for Titus .
I wanted to be close to family after living a year in Hawaii without them.
I wanted help after having the baby. I was overwhelmed and to move was pushing me over the edge.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
I even at one point said I wished he could make the move without James and me. It was a low point, I’ll admit. And I didn’t really mean it. I was slightly worried that we would move out there for a semester and it wouldn’t work out and then he’d drag us all back to MN. So we didn’t move.
Gideon was born which miraculously made James a happy boy. A year and half after Titus first brought up a move he brought it up again. Right. before. Christmas. I didn’t think it was the time again.
We had other people living with us.
It was Christmas.
It would be a really fast move. I don’t move fast anymore.
We had just moved from one end of town to the other 7 months before. I got sick from
that move and wasn’t ready to do that again.
Mentally, it was too fast. I wasn’t supportive again.
I think I did some crying again.
So, we didn’t move.
In April we went to visit the school, finally. It was something I had been encouraging Titus to do for a while as I felt like it would help us make a decision. And it did. I told Titus, I can be supportive, and I can be willing, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it. Which I thought was very clever of me, but I am trying to not complain about it, as Titus doesn’t see the complaining quite the same way I do. 😉 I still have reasons for not moving. And on a bad day, I still feel like crying But they are mostly about ME.
I have made some good friends here and it’s hard for me to do that. I am an odd duck and with the whole: big family thing, anti-oral birth control thing, homeschool thing, stay at home mom thing, breastfeeding thing, the list goes on. It’s hard for me to find women that have the same things in common. And I have found two of them here! I will miss them greatly. I guess we will have to be phone friends. 🙂
I also love our house. I could live here for years, maybe forever. There are so many things I love about it. The fire-place, the wood work, the flower boxes, the arches, the yard. The list goes on and on. We have been here for a year which was my request when we moved here last May. I told Titus I couldn’t move for a year. We have moved every year since being married so I guess it’s time again. 🙂 Although I did tell Titus we couldn’t move yet because I haven’t had a baby in this house yet. We have had a baby in every house we’ve lived in so far.
I don’t want to move from family. I have been greatly spoiled here. I have 2 sets of grandparents and 3 single sisters all in about 15 minutes of where I live. When I get sick, or like last Nov both my kids were sick with the flu, they come over to help me. I always have a baby-sitter when I need one. If I have a lot of errands, or like last week I had to take the boys to the dentist I have someone to go with me. I don’t want to move from all of that help. It’s going to be all up to me now!
But I am supportive. He has done the dairy thing for 2 years now and he is sure it isn’t want he wants. I do want Titus to go to school. I do want him to find what it is he wants to do with his life. Maybe some of these things will be answered at school, maybe not. My job is to be supportive and willing. We have both been affected by other people’s marriages not working out. Both older generations and even some friends or family close in age to us. I am not trying to judge as I don’t know what happened. But what if the wife wasn’t supportive, what if she wasn’t willing? What if the husband wasn’t willing to wait, and just left on his own terms for his own life? Everything about this move is important because my marriage, and my children’s daddy is more important than all MY reasons for not moving.