Monthly Archives: April 2012

God is good

James is doing remarkably well with having a brother.  I really struggled when I found out I was pregnant last summer.  James was such a hard baby I wasn’t ready for another one.  Plus I really felt like James still needed my undivided attention and that he would totally freak out when the baby was born.  So, I worried and fretted for 9 months.  I had prayed that I wouldn’t get pregnant for a few more months, but God didn’t answer that prayer.  I questioned God, “Why, would you do this?  Why is it a good idea for us to have another baby so fast?”  I would ask Titus, “Why does God think this is a good idea?”  I did pray a lot that James would be fine when the baby was born, but I didn’t really think he would be.  I had feelings that we were ruining his life, and would never get over it.  I know that sounds drastic but you have to remember this child has been the center of my world for the last year and half.  My life has been totally turned upside down because of him.  And God wanted to give us another one. But you know what?  James loves Gideon.  Has he had his moments of not liking him?  Sure!  Has he had melt downs because I’m holding the baby and can’t help him? Sure!  But over all he has adjusted just fine.  In fact I think James is doing better then he ever has before.  He’s playing by himself more then he did just a month ago.  He’s never played by himself for very long, but now I sit on the couch and watch him play.  Maybe it’s an age thing, or maybe just maybe God answered all those prayers sent up in tears, worrying, and stress.  God is so good to answer our prayers even when we are praying with very little faith, or dare I say it, anger.  I’m not saying my life is easy right now, for pete’s sake I’m typing this with one hand at 3 in the morning!  What I am saying is, God is good.  And even though I prayed I wouldn’t get pregnant so fast maybe it really was for the best.  I just hope I can remember this lesson next time I’m worrying about something.

Philippians 4:6-7  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Midnight musings

I am beginning to wonder if I will ever sleep again. I know I know, it’s all part of a new baby. I just don’t remember it being this bad the first time around.  I do think that the loss of sleep is probably the hardest part of being a mom, although maybe having sick kids is worse.  But sick kids most of the time results in more sleep loss….it’s a vicious cycle.  As cute as those big blue eyes are, I really don’t want to see them at 2 a.m.

So, I think I’m going to be giving up dairy again.  I’m very disappointed.  Gideon seemed to be doing fine at first but now I’m not so sure.   He isn’t pooping regularly, going days with just wet diapers. I really don’t think that’s normal.  And when I gave up dairy for James he started pooping every day.  I’m trying to decide if I should start right away, or wait until the end of the week.  I was very motivated with James because he cried all the time, but this time I’m lacking motivation. Gideon is a much happier baby then James was so I’m not sure if his tummy is hurting or not.  There are times when I wonder if it is.  If I knew he was in pain I’d start right away.  The truth is, I really don’t want to.  Mommy hood is hard enough without adding a new diet to the list.  I don’t want to give up cheese, and chocolate, and ice cream.  sigh.  But I will….because that’s what mommies do for their little ones.

The birth story

Gideon Jonathan Penner: born April 4, 2012 (on his grandpa Jonathan’s b-day) at 10:47 a.m. 9 pounds 4 ounces 22″ long

I used to be one of those girls that just rolled her eyes when birth stories came up.  I’d give my mom about 5 -10 minutes before her or the person she was talking to starting talking about one of their kid’s birth stories.  I just didn’t get it.  I know how all my cousins, friends, and their friends came into this world.  But after having just one child and now a second I totally get it.  It’s the most amazing accomplishment a woman can do in her life.  Women who have given birth know this and love to talk about it.  I think it’s an even deeper feeling for moms that give birth naturally without any pain meds.  I found this out after I had James.  I have a huge sense of pride in myself and my body to be able to create something so amazing and so beautiful.  A woman’s body is incredible!

A week ago today we welcomed into this world a second son, Gideon.  Last Tuesday in the afternoon I started having very strong braxton hicks.  I now know it was pre-labor but then I just thought it was the same old practice contractions.  I put James in the stroller and went for a walk to the park.  We were at the park for about an hour playing and watching the other kids play.  Every time I moved I would have really strong braxton hicks.  I almost called Titus to tell him that I thought maybe I was in labor.  But again I told myself, “Nah, it’s just braxton hicks.  No need to get Titus excited.”  I was ONLY 9 days past the due date at this point. ha ha  James and I walked home and I had to grip the stroller handle bars for support at times.  Still didn’t think I was in labor…..

That evening Titus built a wonderful fence around the front yard so James can play without going in the street.  It was an early birthday present!  And I love it!  At that point all pre-labor had stopped.  Of course as soon as I went to bed it started up again but I think I slept about an hour or so before they got really strong.  At 2:30 the contractions woke me up and I knew that this was labor.  I seem to be doomed to losing a night of sleep.  So unfair.  So I got up and sat on the exercise ball for awhile, did some reading, some timing, watched an episode of Reba.  James woke up at one point and I rocked him in the rocking chair for awhile then carried him to our bed.  Titus got up around 4 and I told him I was in labor.  We called the mid-wife around 6 and she didn’t laugh when Titus told her I had said I wanted to go to the hospital and get an epidural. 😀  Titus told me not to joke about that. (who’s joking????)  James woke up again and we got him back to sleep.  Then Sue came a little after 7 and I was happy to see her.  It’s kinda hard to know when to call the mid-wife since you don’t want to call them to early. She took the baby’s heart rate (124-132) and then we just waited.  My mom came to get James at 8.  I was kind of in a resting period with contractions and James was able to sit on my lap for awhile before he had to leave, which he wasn’t very happy about. Poor little guy.

Around 10 I had really bad back pain.  I think I could get through labor so much better if I didn’t have back pain.  Every time I would go from sitting to standing I would get horrible back pain.  I didn’t have that with James at all, so it was very surprising to me this time around.  Titus would rub my back with a vibrating back massager which did help a little bit.  As the contractions to closer and stronger I kept thinking to myself, “If my water would just break then I can start pushing!!”  But I do think I started pushing before my water broke, and that created a lot of pressure!  Once my water broke the contractions were so strong.  Way worse then with James!  I couldn’t believe how intense they were!!  I told Sue and Titus I thought I wanted to try a different position, but when they asked me how I wanted to be I couldn’t tell them.  All I wanted to do was lie down somewhere soft. Sue told me that I only had two more pushes and the baby would be there.  I didn’t believe her since when I was in labor with James that mid-wife had said, “Only one more push.” about a billion times.  But I held onto that hope of only two more.  And she was right!  Two more pushes and Gideon was here!  Titus says I only pushed for about 15 minutes.  My water broke at 10:45 and Gideon was born at 10:47!! The first thing I said was, “He’s so fat!” ha haImage

By 11:30 we were comfortably nursing on the couch.  God has so blessed our little family!  I love the fact that because I wasn’t going to a doctor I wasn’t induced and Gideon was born on his grandpa’s birthday.  What a blessing that could most likely have been missed.  Birthing at home is such a wonderful experience!  You are surrounded by your own stuff, and it’s just you, your hubby, and the midwife.  No bright lights, people you don’t know, and no IV’s! ha  ha (I’m not good with needles…)

I asked Titus how he would describe Gideon’s birth and he said, “Fast!” ha ha!

I’m just glad it’s all over. Being pregnant after already having a baby is totally different then the first time around.  You kinda know what you’ve gotten yourself into now and you really don’t want to do it again.